Ok, this toy packaging craze has gotten WAY outta hand!

I have three little girls who of course want to play with their toys right when they open them on Christmas. After the last years of observing the way things are being packaged I have my tools ready. Here are a few tips for the new parents, friends and those who are still clueless about how to make your kid not wait an eternity to play with the new toy!
1.) Don't bother to try and rip the boxes open unless you have a paramedic on site to bandage the cardboard gash you will receive across your fingers. The tape isn't just in one spot on the so called end of the box IT'S EVERYWHERE! just get the illegal version of an airline box cutter and have it handy.
2.) Screw the scissors! Have industrial strength wire cutters ready for the fifteen bazillion wires holding on to baby wets-a-lot and her plastic pants.
3.) A microscope would come in handy when making sure you don't cut off Barbie's perfect hair do from the box. Oh yeah her fabulous curls are delicately SEWN onto a tiny strip of nearly invisible, but will slice your pinky off, plastic. And don't think when she comes out of that box that her hair will EVER again look that perfect!
4.) If you don't have tweezers by now...contact your local hospital and order some. You will need these for the teensy weensy little accessories super glued under the plastic cover on the back side of the box. God help you if little Jenny can't find that � inch brush because Mommy or Daddy threw it away.
5.)Just the words ADULT ASSEMBLY REQUIRED make me want to wonder what degree in engineering do you really need now-a-days! Notice how the word ASSEMBLY has the word ASS in it!!! When the tools needed list isn't showing a crowbar, torque wrench, welding torch, bottle opener or sledge hammer...go ahead and have them ready JUST IN CASE! Yes I said bottle opener...never hurt to have a few to calm you down before you toss the hammer across the room. It may even improve your aim!
6.) Ok, call them what you will: Labels, decals, stickers....GOOD LORD! The dang thing costs enough so you would think the manufacturer would have these already applied TO the toy, but oh no!! We had a ride on toy for my oldest daughter that I could swear came with a hundred stickers AND a guide map that showed WHERE TO PUT THEM! IE: sticker "A" goes on side "3" of the blue knob to the right of the switch just below the "C" button.....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! you can't reposition them if you get them on crooked either and boy do the kids like to point that out! (yeah, my mom put the head on upside down...)
How about the one tiny little sticker, not even an inch square? just one! you have to find it and put it on the tiny carton made of plastic so it looks like a tiny carton of milk...ok, right.
7.) BATTERIES....I remember Christmas being so much less expensive when I was a kid. If you got a toy that needed batteries, you had rich parents. Now you can't find a toy that will hold a kids interest unless it buzzes, whirs, dances, sings, tells bad jokes, lights up, blinks, farts, burps, flies, runs,....aw gees what ever! What ever happened to play-dough? (that still SMELLS LIKE PLAY-DOUGH!)

If by some strange phenomenon YOU can relate or have a story that is along this same RANT...PLEASE post it for all to get a kick out of!
Merry Freekin Christmas already!
I need a nap!

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